THERE IS THE SLIGHTEST POSSIBLITY
OF CHRIS AND I GETTING BACK TOGETHER
AND IT'S FUCKING KILLING ME
AND I SHOULD HAVE KISSED HIM
i should have kissed him
i should have kissed him
i should have told him how much i love him
still and miss him and cry and love him and love him and love him.


i should have kissed him damnit.


I should have kissed Chris.
but i didn't.























I WANT HIM BACK MORE THEN I'VE EVER WANTED ANYTHING IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE AND THATS A LOT AND I'M TOO EXCITED FOR CAPITAL LETTERS TO EXPLAIN.

i love youuuuuuu

Maybe different, but remember
Winters warm there you and I,
Kissing whiskey by the fire
With the snow outside
And when the summer comes
The river swims at midnight
Shiver cold
Touch the bottom, you and I,
with muddy toes

Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you should
It was good, as good goes
Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you did

Wake up naked drinking coffee,
Making plans to change the world
While the world is changing us...
It was good good love.
We used to laugh under the covers
Maybe not so often now
The way I used to laugh with you
Was loud and hard

Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you should
It was good as good goes
Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you did

So what to do
With the rest of the day's afternoon, hey
Well isn't it strange how we change
Everything we did
Did I do all that I could?

That I shoulda done
Remember we used to dance
And everyone wanted to be
You and me
I want to be too
What day is this?
Besides the day you left me?
What day is this
Besides the day you went?

So what to do
With the rest of the day's afternoon, hey
Well isn't it strange how we change
Everything we did
Did I do all that I could?

Remember we used to dance
And everyone wanted to be you and me
I want to be too
What day is this?
Besides the day you left baby
What day is this?
-dave matthews band



I keep asking myself why I still love you.
Why I still miss you.
Why I still cry.
Why I still hurt.
Why I am depressed and scared to admit it.
Why did you leave me.
Why did you do it Chris
Why Why Why Why?
All I did was love you.
Why Chris Why?

Did you know every time I have a new voicemail,
I hope it's you.
Every time I get a new message on Myspace,
I hope it's you.
Every time I get a new friend request,
I hope it's you.

That will never change. EVER.
There are just some people you won't ever get over.
You're that one person that I won't ever get over.
I know you remember the feelings we had for each other.
I know you hurt.
I fucking know you do, because I know you better than
anyone on the face of this Goddamn earth.
I love you and there's nothing you can say that will
ever change that. Love is something that never goes away.
Sure, it may fade; and when I'm old I probably won't love
you like I do now, but I'll remember the feelings.
I'll remember the pain you put me through.
I'll remember the taste of your lips and the feeling
of your hands tight in my hands. I'll remember
the feeling of finally being home that I had with you.
I'll remember the way you felt inside of me. I'll remember
every detail of your face and your eyes and the way you
used to look and smile at me. I'll remember the feelings you
once had for me.

I'll remember all of it, whether you do or not.
I still hurt.
I always will.
I won't be truly happy for a very long time.
But hey,
at least I had you at all.

I'm so fucking happy right now, it's like I'm high on life; seriously.
Everything is just going really well right now.
1. I haven't cried over Chris in a whole two weeks. Yesssss.
2. I'm 100% single, and 100% perfectly happy with that.
3. I'm visiting the town I moved from. I haven't been there in
six months. So I'm pretty freaking stoked.

Oh man. I don't want a boyfriend for a while.
Unless it's Bear. He's lovely. Too bad he lives
four hours away. Oh well. He's one of my best
friends. I'm so excited to be able to hangout with
him this weekend. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D


Taylor has put some bullshit little paragraphs in
her Myspace "Heroes" section about me.
Saying stuff like "you've changed too blah blah blah"
It's funny how she manages to blame everyone else.
Even if I have changed, it's definitely for the better.
Sorry I actually have more then 2 friends, sorry I have
a life, sorry your life sucks, sorry I learned my lesson,
and you have yet to do so.  You did it to yourself.
Make better decisions and this wouldn't happen.





She is simply beautiful.



 


Oh the joys of The Beatles.


This totally reminds me of something my sister and I would
make. Speaking of her, she's visiting me soon. Yayyyy.

I thought I was the only person who thought that ^^ clearly not.
 



I took a picture of my sister that looked almost identical
to this, except she was half way in the water, it was beautiful.




Whoops.

I used to think like that back in middle school. ^^
I'd dress all cute for that special boy, and ironically,
he wouldn't show up to school. It was heartbreak. Ugh.
 
I feel like that sometimes. Blank. Blank. Blank.
\ 


 

Someone should make a cake identical to that, for me.


I'm excited. Fall's my favorite season. I'm going to Decatur.
Life is lookin up. Finally. And I think this time, it's for good.


Being a daughter and a sister to 3 alcoholics and 1 drug addict;
I fell in love with these two books.
"A Million Little Pieces" is the first book, and "My Friend Leonard"
is the second book. The first one is about a man named James
who is a struggling criminal, drug addict, and alcoholic in rehab.
He falls in love with a woman named Lilly in rehab and also meets
his best friend of a lifetime, Leonard.
The second book is about his friendship with his best friend and
about how he deals with the death of Lilly.
Even if you have nothing to do with any alcoholics or drug addicts,
both books made me cry and are very inspirational. They motivated
me and put insight into the mind of addicts out into the world.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who enjoys reading
deep and inspirational books.

xoxo

Okay so I know my blogs haven't been very
colorful in the sense of photography but it's
because a lotta BS has been goin on.
Like Chris came to my school. Yeah right when
I thought I was completely, without a doubt,
over him. He might show up at school on Monday.
He said he got in a fight at Parker and wants
to transfer back. I think it's just because he's
friendless. Whatever... It was so weird seeing him.
He and I made eye contact with each other as soon
as we saw each other. It reminded me of when we
did that last year... Everything, all the feelings, every
expression came back to me the second we looked
at each other. And he said hey, and I like tried to walk
around him and he said, no I came to talk to you.
We kinda chit chatted, but it was the first time we
spoke to each other since he told me
"you'll find better". He told me he'd call me once in
a while so we can stay in touch once he has a phone..
But he told Alli to tell Kelsea to call him...
God I hate loving him.
He hugged me goodbye. It was a nice 3 minutes, us
talking. It felt like he was all mine again.
But he's not.
Stop being stupid Caroline.
I've never wanted to hate someone so much.

I want him out of my life,
completely out. I don't want
him at school. I don't want to
see him. At all. Ever. Never.
I don't want him to call me.
I don't want to hug him.



Better updates when I actually feel
somewhat inspired.

What the fuck happened to you.
All you do is buy alcohol and hang out
with all of those stupid stuck up bitches.
Like HELLOOO I'M STILL RIGHT HERE
FOR YOU EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SECOND
OF THE ENTIRE GODDAMN DAY.
None of those girls care about you.
If they had to choose between your safety
and theirs, they would pick themselves.
Have fun partying your fucking life away with them.
It's sad to see how much you've changed.
A lot of people you used to be best friends
with tell me how much you've changed and how
you just use people to get to a better friend
and then you dump them. I'm not agreeing with
them but I can see how they would believe that.
You don't know how to have sober fun anymore.
You're just another one of them.
You know, those girls we always said we hated, you're one of them Tay.
You've completely lost yourself.

Like when I come up to you first hour, ask you if you're
buying a bottle this weekend with Rrita, and you say
yes, and then I say "wow that's all you ever do",
MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET THE FUCKING
HINT THAT YOU'RE HURTING ME A LITTLE
BIT.
like thanks for wanting to make plans with your
so called best friend this weekend. What the hell
are you doing to yourself Taylor, really?

I get enough of this bullshit at home with drinking.
You don't even know the first thing about living
with an alcoholic. Sure you might think your mom
is, but she's not. At least not shit compared to my
dad. You don't know how it feels to see the man
you fucked up your entire life come stumbling in
the door reeking of alcohol and fucking slap your mom
and then tell her to pack her bags. All because
he's drunk.
You don't know how it is to live with an abusive
father. And you don't give a fuck.
All you wanna do is get fucked up and loose your
virginity and look cool.

Do you ever think about anyone but yourself?
Do you ever think about the hell you put your mom
and I through? You're mom doesn't know what
the fuck to do with you because all you do is lie.
I don't know what to do with you because you
don't ever listen. It hurts us and you don't see that for
some strange goddamn reason.
Grow up and take a step back and look at what
you're doing to yourself.

I guess there's not anything else for me to do
but sit and watch and listen. I'll sit with my friends
and do my thing and watch you slowly fuck everything
up between you and whoever once slightly gave
a fuck about you. And then I'll listen to you when you
come crying to me asking for help. Well I'll be there
for you that day, I will be there to listen to you cry.
But I'm not going to stick up for you. I'm not going
to try to make you look good to everybody. I'm not
going to lie for you. All I will do is listen.
You can't expect me to seriously take care of you
when you royally fuck everything up.

One day you'll realize you have to be honest.
One day you'll realize alcohol is a waste.
I guess it's just called growing up.
But you've failed to do that yet.


You're a complete joke and I really don't want
anything to do with you anymore. When I see you
in the hallways I'm disgusted. So is everybody else.
You look like just another slutty highschool girl.
I'm completely disgusted. Guys talk to you because
they hear about the shit you do. How you're EASY.
Yeah I dunno about you, but I don't prefer to get
my boyfriends that way.

You're a girl version of Taylor Long.
You can't get shit when you're sober.
It's completely 100% disgusting.

You've become this way so whenever I finally have
the balls to say all of this to you, don't cry and tell
me I don't give a fuck about your feelings.
It's called honesty. I don't know how else to get
it through your head.



Whatever I'm done ranting about her.
I'm considering deleting this blog just because
it was a waste. Waste of words,
waste of breath, waste of space, waste of time.
Just a plain simple fucking waste.